Thursday, May 29, 2008
Trance
All these times I promised myself that relations are root to all problems, and vowed never to be in them, whatever they may be. My existing relations are my duties. Of all the people, it was me who broke his vow and is avenged by it.
The suffering is not the loneliness that comes now, because when you are alone you do not know is loneliness. But only once you have experienced a promise, walked few steps with someone, you realize what is loneliness. And now I feel the importance of my promise to myself to live alone. Till now it was empty, I never knew what is loneliness, now its complete. Now there is no grief, but a plain truth, and this truth should hold me, this is nearer to my heart. Although what could have been near to my heart is lost.
The suffering is not that I have to suffer, but that I could not keep my promise to myself. Having selected the title six month back, I was watching the things to come to this result and complete this chapter. But is it complete yet? He keeps playing….
Trance can only be followed by neurosis, senseless and sense do make some sense. I was never given a choice, things came to me and I accepted them, this was my problem. I should have exercised my choice, and it should have been clear to me, my only promise to myself.
He has a complex mind, and He plays his game slowly, I am also loving it, but my only wish He can keep me going, like the way He has done till now, with my head kept high. I would not mind my other half, my trance coming again to hold me forth.
The suffering is not the loneliness that comes now, because when you are alone you do not know is loneliness. But only once you have experienced a promise, walked few steps with someone, you realize what is loneliness. And now I feel the importance of my promise to myself to live alone. Till now it was empty, I never knew what is loneliness, now its complete. Now there is no grief, but a plain truth, and this truth should hold me, this is nearer to my heart. Although what could have been near to my heart is lost.
The suffering is not that I have to suffer, but that I could not keep my promise to myself. Having selected the title six month back, I was watching the things to come to this result and complete this chapter. But is it complete yet? He keeps playing….
Trance can only be followed by neurosis, senseless and sense do make some sense. I was never given a choice, things came to me and I accepted them, this was my problem. I should have exercised my choice, and it should have been clear to me, my only promise to myself.
He has a complex mind, and He plays his game slowly, I am also loving it, but my only wish He can keep me going, like the way He has done till now, with my head kept high. I would not mind my other half, my trance coming again to hold me forth.
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