It was draining out of my mind, my thoughts, my ideas. Oozing out, and would you believe me it was like downpour, obstructing my vision, a thin film, like that of water, coming in front of my eyes. Hazy outlook, poor vision. This rundown of thoughts, came to even surround all my senses, couldn’t hear what they are saying, I am unable to breath, its all inside me. It might seem impossible to you when you first hear it, but so it is.
I close my eyes, my heart beats. I try to hear, grasp for breath. Nothing happens. Perhaps I am still alive.
The problem with me, you know, is that I have an inferiority complex. I have tried to read my thoughts. It has been happening for a long time, a very simple, fairly possible event, which we all might discard as an attempt of an insane mind to prove his sanity. But believe me, neither I am insane, nor what I am going to tell is not impossible.
To start with, let me make it clear, I live life very passively. I let it all that happen with me or my surroundings. I never try to alter or construct any event. That is, I am like the chemical compound participating only in the reaction. A compound is composed of element, but the compound does not seek for its elements. Nor it thinks if it has the option to participate or do not participate in the reaction, it simply is present in the reactions, and may give desired result as per the conditions.
Next, another confession, I am not one, but closely living two person. One, who is living in this world doing all the things that this world demands, that is me for this world. He is partly the person, that I would be truly love to be, but you see, he is exactly the person who is having the complex. So there came another me within me, who has nothing for this universe. Nothing holds him, he is not bound by this world, in fact he not from or for this world. He is the one who keeps on observing me from outside, as soon as I speak, he listens to me. Whenever I see anything, I might evaluate or analyze, but he just looks on. He never participates but watches, sees, hear….
All my happiness, dreams, ecstasies, boredom, loneliness is subjected to scrutiny, albeit without comment. His observation alone has changed me, I try to figure out what he is upto, what he is to me, actually why he is there? But since he is of no use, for he would never speak, forget about answering, so there is more burden on my shoulders to solve the puzzle. And this one riddle leads to another, casting a web around my life, and he simply watches me, no expressions on his face, no comments to spare. Now something about me, as these notes are about me only, so lets not talk about him,
