fever

I was not afraid of insanity or madness, it runs in my family, its only a matter of time that it will catch with me.
Was it illusion, illusions, delusions or dementia? A constant state of mind in suspension, but seemed more real. Madness or truth, its debate time immortal. What I see, I cannot perceive. That is why these words come to me.
Dissecting each thought, each action is more harder, and the corpse of thoughts that lie after this is more dreadful, more difficult to clean. Blood on my hands, I am helpless. We are not discussing theology, philosophy, or other worldliness. My words are the my actions in papers. All this is past, but past keeps happening in paper, in our thoughts, in the mind, whoever reads them, thinks them, feels it.
Again, it is receding from me, my suspension in time, I am coming back to today. Goodbye the illusions, welcome the world!